Vaginismus: Understanding, Healing and Reclaiming Comfortable Intimacy

What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles that makes penetration (sexual, medical or even using a tampon) difficult, painful or impossible. It's a physical reaction but the causes can be emotional, psychological, relational or connected to previous experiences.

People with vaginismus often describe sensations such as:

• Burning or stinging pain
• A feelin of ' hitting a wall'
• The body shutting down, freezing or resisting
• Anxiety or fear at the idea of penetration

Vaginismus can occur even when someone wants to have sex or feels emotionally ready. It is not a failure of the body. It is a protective response.

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Types of Vaginismus:

Understanding the type of vaginismus can help guide treatment:

Primary Vaginismus:

This means pain or difficulty has been present since first attempts at penetration ( e.g. first tampon, first sexual experience)

Secondary Vaginismus:

This develops later in life after a period of pain-free penetration.

Causes may include:

• Childbirth trauma
• Surgery
• Vaginal infections
• Hormonal changes
• Stress, trauma or relational issues

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In both types the tightening is involuntary. It's not a choice. It's not something you can 'just relax' out of.

What Causes Vaginismus?

Vaginismus often arises from a combination of physical and emotional factors. Common contributing factors include:

• Psychological and Emotional Factors ( fear of pain, post trauma or negative sexual experiences, anxiety around sex or intimacy, strict or shame-based upbringing, stress or performance pressure)
• Physical Factors ( pelvic floor dysfunction, hormonal changes, chronic pain conditions, vulvodynia or other pain disorders)
• Relational Factors ( mismatch of desire, communication difficulties, performance anxiety in one or both partners, pressure to 'make sex work')

People often blame themselves but vaginismus is not your fault and it's entirely treatable.

How Vaginismus Affects Intimacy and Well-Being?

Vaginismus affects much more than the physical experience of penetration.

It may impact:

• Confidence and self-esteem
• Body image
• Emotional intimacy
• Relationship closeness
• Sense of sexual identity
• Fear or avoidance of medical exams

Partners may feel confused, helpless or unsure how to support. That is why a compassionate, structured therapeutic approach can be transformative.

How Psychosexual Therapy Helps with Vaginismus?

Psychosexual therapy offers a confidential, supportive space to explore both the physical and emotional aspects of vaginismus. The goal is not simply to 'fix penetration'. It is to rebuild trust in your body, strengthen intimacy and create positive and safe sexual experiences.

A typical psychosexual therapy approach may include:

• Understanding your experience- Exploring beliefs, emotions, expectations and the story you hold about sex and your body.
• Reducing shame- Therapy helps remove the idea that vaginismus is ' something wrong with you'. It is a protective response and it can be unlearned.
• Education about the Pelvic Floor- Understanding how pelvic floor muscles work and why they tighten.
• Addressing Underlying Factors. This may include: anxiety, trauma, stress, relationship issues, previous pain experiences.
• Gradual exposure and desensitisation techniques. This might involve: external touch, internal awareness, breathing exercises, pelvic floor relaxation, self-guided dilator work ( if appropriate)

Therapy always moves at your pace and there is no pressure to perform or ' achieve a result'.

• Working with partners ( if applicable). Partner can learn how to provide support, how to reduce pressure, communication tools and ways to build intimacy without fear.
• Rebuilding intimacy- Therapy focuses on creating positive, comfortable experiences rather than forcing penetration before you're ready.

Online Psychosexual Therapy For Vaginismus

Many people choose online sessions because:

• it feels safer and more private
• less pressure than starting in-person
• easier to incorporate tools such as breathing and relaxation exercises
• access to specialists even if you are not local

Online psychosexual therapy is just as effective as in-person support for vaginismus.

If you feel ready to begin this journey, Helen Bright-Gerrie, a psychosexual therapist can walk alongside you with compassion, knowledge and care.

Book your free 15 min consultation on www.londonpsychosexualtherapy.co.uk

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