The way we see ourselves sexually can influence our confidence, desire and intimate relationships. Drawing on Barbara Andersen and Jill Cyranowski's research into sexual self-schema, this article explores how beliefs shaped by past experiences may contribute to sexual anxiety, shame, self-consciousness and difficulties with intimacy. Discover how psychosexual therapy in London can help individuals and couples understand these patterns, challenge unhelpful beliefs and develop greater sexual confidence, self-awareness and emotional connection.
October 26, 2026
Have you ever wondered why you feel confident in some areas of your life but uncertain or self-conscious when it comes to sex and intimacy?
Perhaps you find it difficult to express your sexual needs, experience anxiety during intimate moments, or struggle to feel comfortable with yourself as a sexual person. You might enjoy emotional closeness but feel uncomfortable with sexual vulnerability, or notice that negative thoughts about your body or sexual performance interfere with pleasure.
These experiences can be influenced by something psychologists call your sexual self-schema- the beliefs, feelings and expectations you hold about yourself as a sexual being.
Understanding these beliefs can be an important part of psychosexual therapy in London, particularly when working with sexual anxiety, low sexual confidence, difficulties with desire and intimacy concerns.
A sexual self-schema is the mental representation you hold of yourself in relation to sexuality.
The concept was explored in a landmark 1994 study by psychologists Barbara L. Andersen and Jill M. Cyranowski, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Their research proposed that sexual self-schemas develop through previous experiences and are associated with how individuals understand their sexuality, anticipate intimate experiences and engage in sexual relationships.
Put simply, your sexual self-schema influences the story you tell yourself about who you are sexually.
For example, you might hold beliefs such as:
These beliefs are not necessarily conscious. They may operate automatically, influencing your expectations and emotional responses in intimate situations.
Importantly, sexual self-beliefs are not fixed identities.They can be explored, understood and reconsidered.
Andersen and Cyranowski's research identified three dimensions of human sexual self-schema.
This dimension involves characteristics such as being passionate, romantic, affectionate and responsive to sexual feelings.
People who identify strongly with these qualities may find it easier to recognise themselves as capable of romantic and sexual connection.
However, someone who experiences less spontaneous sexual desire or does not strongly identify with romantic characteristics is not necessarily experiencing a sexual problem.
Sexuality varies considerably between individuals.
In psychosexual therapy, the aim is not to encourage a particular level of desire or romantic involvement. Instead, therapy explores whether your experiences and expectations feel comfortable, authentic and fulfilling to you.
The second dimension concerns openness, directness and comfort with sexual experiences.
This can be relevant to sexual communication and the ability to discuss personal preferences, boundaries and concerns.
For example, you might struggle to tell a partner what you enjoy, feel embarrassed discussing sexual difficulties, or avoid conversations about intimacy because you fear rejection.
These difficulties can create misunderstandings,particularly when partners have different expectations about sex.
Psychosexual counselling in London can offer a confidential space to explore sexual communication, understand personal boundaries and develop greater confidence in discussing intimacy.
The third dimension identified by Andersen and Cyranowski involves embarrassment, caution and self-consciousness.
Their research found that higher scores on this dimension were associated with lower reported sexual arouse ability and some measures of sexual experience.
This does not mean that being sexually conservative or cautious is inherently problematic.
Personal values, cultural beliefs and individual preferences deserve respect.
However, when embarrassment, shame or anxiety causes distress, it may interfere with the ability to feel relaxed, connected or comfortable during sexual experiences.
A psychosexual therapist in London can help you explore where these feelings originated and whether they continue to serve you.
Sexual self-beliefs can become particularly noticeable when intimacy involves vulnerability.
For example, imagine someone who believes:
"I'm not attractive enough for my partner to desire me."
Even when their partner expresses affection or sexual interest, they may find it difficult to accept that reassurance.
They might become preoccupied with their appearance, monitor their partner's reactions or avoid intimate situations.
Over time, these patterns can contribute to sexual anxiety, reduced confidence and relationship tension.
A similar process may occur with beliefs about sexual performance.
Someone who believes they must always perform successfully may experience anxiety about maintaining an erection, reaching orgasm or satisfying their partner.
That anxiety can draw attention away from pleasure and connection.
Although Andersen and Cyranowski's original study did not directly establish that these beliefs cause sexual difficulties, their findings provide a useful psychological framework for understanding how sexual self-concept relates to sexual experiences.
Yes. One of the particularly interesting findings from the research was that positive and negative sexual self-beliefs can coexist.
The researchers described four broad sexual self-schema profiles:
These are research classifications, not clinical diagnoses.
The co-schematic profile is particularly interesting in the context of psychosexual therapy.
Someone may experience sexual desire and enjoy the idea of intimacy while simultaneously feeling anxious, ashamed or uncomfortable about expressing their sexuality.
For example, a person might want greater sexual closeness but find themselves withdrawing when intimacy becomes possible.
Recognising that apparently contradictory feelings can coexist may help people approach their difficulties with greater curiosity and less self-criticism.
Sexual self-beliefs may develop through a combination of personal experiences, relationships, cultural expectations and messages about sexuality.
Potential influences include:
Not everyone exposed to these influences will develop negative sexual beliefs.
The meaning an individual gives to an experience, their wider relationships and their personal circumstances can all matter.
Psychosexual therapy can help you examine these influences without assuming that there must be one particular cause for your difficulties.
Psychosexual therapy in London provides an opportunity to understand the psychological, emotional and relational factors that may be contributing to sexual concerns.
Depending on your needs, therapy may involve several areas of exploration.
You may begin by noticing thoughts and assumptions that arise around sexual experiences.
For example:
Therapy can help you examine whether these expectations are realistic, helpful or consistent with your own values.
Sexual anxiety can involve worrying about what might happen rather than attending to what you are experiencing.
A therapist may help you understand patterns of anticipatory anxiety, self-monitoring and avoidance.
Approaches may include psychological exploration, cognitive and behavioural techniques, and exercises designed to reduce pressure and encourage awareness of sensations and emotional responses.
Improving sexual confidence does not mean becoming more sexually adventurous or increasing the frequency of sexual activity.
It may mean feeling more comfortable communicating your boundaries, recognising your preferences, accepting your body or understanding your own patterns of desire.
For some people, it involves developing a more compassionate and flexible relationship with their sexual identity.
Sexual concerns often exist within a wider relationship context.
Differences in desire, communication difficulties,unresolved conflict or fear of rejection can all affect intimacy.
Psychosexual therapy may help individuals or couples explore these patterns and identify ways to create greater understanding and connection.
You might consider seeking professional support if sexual concerns are causing distress, affecting your confidence or creating difficulties in your relationship.
People seek psychosexual therapy for many reasons,including:
Sexual difficulties can have physical as well as psychological causes. Depending on your symptoms, an assessment by a GP or an appropriate medical professional may also be important.
You do not need to have a diagnosed sexual dysfunction to benefit from exploring your relationship with sexuality.
An important message from sexual self-schema research is that sexuality involves more than physical responses or sexual behaviour.
It also involves how you see yourself, the meanings you attach to intimate experiences and the expectations you bring into relationships.
Your sexual self-concept may have developed over many years but it does not have to define how you experience intimacy in the future.
Psychosexual therapy can provide a supportive environment in which to explore these patterns, develop greater self-understanding and work towards a sexual life that feels comfortable and meaningful to you.
The goal is not to fit a particular definition of sexual confidence or sexual normality.
It is to understand your own needs, values and experiences and to address the difficulties that matter to you.
